Friday, April 12, 2013

How to Win the Heart of a Child

Last night, my six year old son, Jacob and I were snuggled up at bedtime, watching TV and having one of our MANY silly chats about everything and nothing while we went to sleep.  We were laughing pretty excessively.  He then started recalling happy memories we've had and noted his most happy memories with me are times we've spent swinging together in the park when he was smaller and could swing on my lap.  Then he burst into tears.


Little kids, jeeze.  They can be a bit of an emotional roller coaster sometimes.  Mood swings, swish swish.  Jacob is going through a growth spurt right now, which involves being exhausted by the end of the day and turning into a blubbering mess at bed time.

"Bubby, why are you crying?" I implored dramatically.  My tension level goes from 0 to 100 rapidly when his tears start, because, well, I'm mommy, it stresses me out.  Often there's absolutely no descernable reason (other than the fact that he's a hormonal PREenager; ie a teenager of preschool origins) and usually not a thing on Earth I can do to get him out of his depressive downward spiral...

"Because I hate growing up, I wanna be two foreverrrrrrr!"  *wailing*


"Don't we all, bub.  But it doesn't really work like that!  Nice thing about it, you really just have to get bigger, but you really don't have to grow up in your heart!  Look at me, I'm not grown up!?

"I knnnoooow, but you're bonkers!"  *new onslaught of tears*

Um, alrighty.  Thanks son... 

At any rate, I just really didn't know what to do.  Just so happens, I had an uncomfortable bubble roiling in my tummy, so in one of those completely spontaneous moments, I made a spur of the moment decision to do the absolute only thing I could think of to turn the situation around.  I farted.


At first there was an awkward silence.  Then my two year old daughter, Shiny said, "Mommy!  You fawted!"

*gasp*  "I did NO such thing!" I responded indignantly.

Jacob burst into hysterical laughter.  He was basically incoherent with laughing.  Relief began to replace my tension.  "Yes, you fawted, mommy," said Shiny also giggling rather severely.

"I did not, children.  Mommies do NOT fart.  However, I would suggest no one put their head under the covers right now."

We all drifted off to dreams with giggles still on our lips.

33 years of life so far (almost), two biological children, two step children, numerous nieces and nephews and countless daycare kids into this game of child rearing and I've finally figured it out.  The key to winning over the hearts of children?  Gas.