Monday, September 30, 2013

Amanda is Dead, Jah Rest Her Soul!


*This post is for Blogger Idol's play at home assignment: Write your own eulogy.  Don't worry, I'm not really dead.  Or, depending on who you are; sorry, I'm not dead.

Amanda Dawn Gatton, celebrated and world renowned (or at least neighborhood renowned) artist, author, and Gypsy fortune teller has sadly left this realm today.  She was killed in an unfortunate deer leaping incident which involved heavy drinking.

 
Amanda is survived by her loving and supa fly husband, Adam.  Adam is a musicician and transportation specialist.  Certainly now that his wife is dead, all kinds of tramps will crawl out of the wood work to wantonly throw themselves at him.  However, they need to step off, since Amanda made it clear in life that if Adam ever attempted to find someone else in the event of her untimely demise that she would haunt the shit out of him.  So, let that be known!

Amanda is also survived by her eldest off spring, Jacob McConkey.  Jacob, aged seven gets his handsome good looks and devilish charms from his dearly departed mother.  He is witty to a fault, and has magical abilities to find lost objects and to correct issues with electronic devices.

 


Additionally, Amanda is survived by her youngest, Miss Shiny Mae, daughter aged three.  Shiny boasts the flawless ability to pee on the potty, read books to Nanny, and to shamelessly manipulate her brother.  She will miss her mother tremendously, but will doubtlessly one day use a Quija board to contact her from beyond the grave!

In Amanda's professional life, she was proud of achievments such as finding four leaf clovers, a stunning record of guitar heroism, balancing trays, typing 80 words per minute, and at one time she even had a special knack for smoking reefer and writing poetry!

The world will sorely miss the light of Amanda Gatton.  Or at least, eight to ten people will miss her a little bit.  Sometimes.  Maybe.

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